"Your weakness is your emotions. Emotions such as... Self-Loathing." -Oscar

Age 23, Male


Joined on 3/28/15

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Till the next time.

Posted by mutty99 - March 19th, 2021

This is not a post like any other, since no matter how much others are gonna care about yet another boring drama poem of this kind (not like it's worth caring, but whatever), it won't change the way I feel. Consider this more like an attempt to address an issue in a more mature way than usual, like I'm talking in front of a mirror, taking out the trash inside my head. That said, let's get started.

I never wanted to say this, I refused to give in multiple times; now I have enough, and I decided to accept it.

The talent, the passion, being able to use music to communicate messages to others, to actually enjoy making music.

I lost all of those feelings, completely. I'm not able to create or convey not even the simplest of thoughts, simply because I forgot how good it feels to be able to make great things I can call my own.

Every day, I feel even more guilty of even thinking to spend time on something that doesn't contribute to my future. I can't sit and play with the notes, because there is always something that's more important, more relevant. Every day, the view I have of music production degenerates and gets worse, and I can't listen to any other artist on this site anymore, because every time I see in them what I can't achieve.

I'm just a parasite who's in the wrong place at this point. I feel disgusted by my own thoughts and by every word I spend on music, even when it comes to feedbacks and reviews: there are a lot of people who are better at this than I could ever be, and if I'd get out of the picture, nothing would change. There has been established a solid community.

It can be good even without someone like me.

For the time being, I'll stop calling myself both a producer and an artist, because I have no right to be neither: who knows if one day I'll find the joy of making music I lost long ago. Until then, I'll just be an ordinary man.

I have no regrets about this decision, because I know there are a lot of people who will have more opportunities to shine and prove to this community how much beautiful music can be.

Till the next time, see ya.





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